witty.

I feel like I’ve prepared for a launch into space. So many years of preparation, so many obstacles, so many false starts. Finally, everything falls into place and it’s decided that it’s time to launch. I get on board, the countdown begins, and now I’m thrown against my seat as the shuttle hurtles at top speed, up, up and away! Now that everything is in motion, we cruise along for a bit. I decide it’s time to step outside and float.

I feel like I’m suspended in space right now. Everything I’ve worked for is right there at my feet. I bought my luggage today and started putting stuff in. I sold my airconditioner and now have more than enough money for a plane ticket and over a month in Canada. But now I don’t know what to do! I don’t think I ever got this far in any of my moving plans before, not even last year when I was about to go and started a relationship instead. The next step is to quit my job and I’ve all of a sudden got cold feet. I don’t think it’s a mistake that I’m going, but I feel regret at leaving this job behind, the job I’ve coveted for years and really do love. As my bestie Helen said to me, at the time I took the job my circumstances were quite different: I was living independently, I had an apartment, and at that point thought I would have to lay my Canada dream to rest. But I just don’t know how to say it to my manager, to my team, that I’m leaving after all they’ve invested in me, after how much I begged for this job. I feel regret that I took a job from someone else who might have stayed for the full contract, though I didn’t know that at the time. What do I say to them? I’m really terrified.

On the otherside of this roadblock, though, is booking a plane ticket, working the last four weeks at work and starting my new life.